The first President of the United States, George Washington had copied out by hand, 110 rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation. They are based on a set of rules composed by French Jesuits in 1595. Presumably they were copied out as part of an exercise in penmanship assigned by young Washington's schoolmaster. The first English translations of the French rules appeared in 1640.
These set of rules aim to sculpt the inner man by shaping the outward, first. That is, they’re a way of molding your character by shaping your behavior.
Richard Brookhiser, in his book on Washington wrote, "all modern manners in the western world were originally aristocratic. Courtesy meant behavior appropriate to a court; chivalry comes from chevalier - a knight. Yet Washington was to dedicate himself to freeing America from a court's control. Could manners survive the operation? Without realizing it, the Jesuits who wrote them, and the young man who copied them, were outlining and absorbing a system of courtesy appropriate to equals and nearequals. When the company for whom the decent behavior was to be performed expanded to the nation, Washington was ready.”
In this series, I am going to list and add commentary to all 110 Rules with each post including 5 rules at a time. My goal is to aid my fellow men in establishing more civility, decorum and virtue in the course of daily events. Let’s get sculpting.
The Rules (1-5)
Every action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect, to those that are present.
It is painfully obvious, or at least it should be, that in public, a man should behave respectfully and in awareness of the people around him. You simply have to know your audience. What may be appropriate in a sporting event, may not be appropriate as a guest at a dinner party or while in a business meeting. Every action you perform, whether you like it or not, is a direct reflection of yourself and the perceived amount of respect you hold for those whose company you share. Act wisely.
When in company, put not your hands to any part of the body, not usually discovered.
Essentially, don’t grab your hidden extremities with company around. Especially when in the presence of a lady, single or married.
Show nothing to your friend that may affright him.
Don’t embarrass a friend. Not only will you throw your friend under the bus, but you will also show that you are not to be trusted as a business partner or confidant. Remember to love your neighbor.
In the presence of others sing not to yourself with a humming noise, nor drum with your fingers or feet.
The point here is not to be a nuisance. There is nothing inherently wrong with humming a catchy tune or drumming on a surface, but it is important to know that there is a time and a place for such things. Self awareness is key in many of these rules. Although these kinds of “rules” seem frivolous, it is important to take in context clues of where you are. Is this a leisurely activity? Or business related. What about the occasion - Funeral, Hospital visit…..the Sacrifice of the Mass? etc. Observe your surroundings.
If you cough, sneeze, sigh, or yawn, do it not loud but privately; and speak not in your yawning, but put your handkerchief or hand before your face and turn aside.
Bodily actions that are very hard to control are part of the human condition of course. No one is going to get angry if you have a cough, sneeze or yawn. But you can do these things politely. Regarding coughing or sneezing - either turn your head away from company into the bend of your arm or your handkerchief (if you possess one). Yawning doesn’t always mean you are tired of the company around you, it could just mean you have had a long day and your body is needing rest. However, it could come across as something much more when in the presence of others. When you are speaking to someone regarding a topic you care very much about, how would it make you feel for that someone to yawn in your face? It really doesn’t matter what the real reason is behind the yawn. The important thing is that you have the self awareness to execute it in a gentlemanly manner.
That’s it for the first installment of George Washington’s Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior, where doing the little things BIG counts for something. In later posts, I will always include links to the former so you can catch up if you missed anything or just want to rehash a little.
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Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam
Nick
Catholic Manhood